Kissing Captain Kirk is a series of drabbles revolving around the variety of lips in Jim's life.  More can be found in The Blooper Room including a Spock drabble;  a somewhat longer snippet from Return to Tommorow, "Between the Sheets"; and the story behind Helen Noel from Dagger of the Mind in "Noel, Noel". The familial and non-romantic relationships are conjecture.  The het pairings are basically canon and extrapolations thereof.  The slash ones, well, they are mostly the product of my twisted mind.

If I have missed any other lips, please let me know.

And a word of caution:  actual pairings my differ from what the title suggests.    



He looked up from the accounts.  "It isn't enough."

"It has to be," she insisted.  "There's nothing more important than their education.  I can get a second job--"

"No!" He slammed his fist.

Then she saw Jimmy watching from the stairwell in his cowboy pajamas.  "What is it, Jimmy?"

Jimmy pointed.  "I need my stuff."

She passed him his toy six-shooters.

"No, not those!  The phaser!  I changed my mind.  I'm gonna be a starship captain instead!"

"Yes, son, you can be anybody at all."  She looked over at her husband, kissed Jimmy tenderly, and sent him back to bed.    

Their shields were gone.  Weaponry banks were almost empty.  He had fired the last torpedo as ordered, but still four painted Warbirds held them surrounded.  Now there was nothing left to do but wait, yet still he stayed at his station.

They say your whole life passes before your eyes when you die.  Apparently it isn't so.  For as the self-destruct counted down over the comm system, the only image Lieutenant George Kirk could see was that last moment in the station, just before he boarded the Starfleet personnel transfer shuttle, as he kissed his wife and infant son goodbye.    

 KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Leonard McCoy a slash drabble from before Where No Man Has Gone Before
Jim Kirk rolled to the far side of their bed.

Leonard McCoy stared at his back.  "Mark Piper is a good man."

"He is."

"And a damn fine doctor."

"I know."

"He has lots more deep space experience than I do."


"He won't let you down."


"Damn it, Jim, it'd never work!  We'd kill each other stuck together on the same ship for that long."

Jim rolled back over and flashed his very best bedroom eyes.  "Aw, come on, Bones, can't we just give it a try?"   And then he kissed him like it was the first time.    


KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK:  That Little Blonde Lab Tech that Gary Mitchell Aimed at Lt. Kirk--a drabble linking Where No Man Has Gone Before and Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
"So, how'd it go?"  Gary Mitchell ambushed her as she walked into to astrochromatography lab.

"Okay," she said non-committally.

"What do you mean, 'okay'?" He pressed.  "Are you going out again?  Did you make-out with him?  Midterms are next week; Lieutenant Kirk has to be seriously distracted or I'm toast!"

"I said it went okay," she responded irritably.  "Kirk'll have lots more to think about soon than flunking mediocre cadets."

"Mediocre?" Gary blustered.

The door opened.  Her sister ran in excitedly waving a stargram.  "Carol! Carol! It's from the University of Edinburgh Life Sciences College!  You were accepted!  Congratulations, 'Doctor Marcus'!"    

KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Nancy Crater       A drabble from Man Trap

Her eyes burned into him, her lips full and hungry, nothing but pure desire shining through her aspect.  He froze as if hypnotized by her presence, a willing victim under her spell.

She reached for him and held the firm flesh of his face.  She pressed with her fingers, as if intent upon squeezing the very life from him.  She leaned in before his lips and sucked and drew.  He felt himself weaken and falter from the fervor of her touch, her need.

Somewhere deep within him, a scream arose.  Before his eyes, Nancy Crater turned into the salt monster.  

 KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Crewman Chekov   a slash drabble based on the Naked Time

Crewman Chekov lay in bed grinning contentedly. "Hey, D'Artangion, you're pretty good vith your 'sword'."

Sulu replied dryly, "Ha-ha.   You should talk after your little escapade.  What's it like kissing Captain Kirk, anyway?"

"Wery interesting.  He does this--thing vith his tongue. Wery hot!  If I didn't know better, I would svear he was Russian."

Sulu chuckled.

Chekov rolled over.  "But, Hikaru, you mustn't tell anyone!"

"Why not?  We all got kinda crazy today.  I'm not jealous or anything. I think it's funny."

"He said that if I kept it quiet, I'd make ensign by the end of the month."    

     KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Janice Rand   a drabble from The Enemy Within
Once they were alone in the turbolift, Uhura got her chance. "So, what was it like, being kissed by the animal part of Captain Kirk?"

Janice sounded vaguely scandalized.  "Nyota!  He forced himself on me.  It was a viscious assault."

"Oh, come on," Uhura prodded.   "You're not going to tell me that you aren't thrilled that he thinks about you that way?  Now that you know it wasn't really our captain, that there wasn't some animal part of you that didn't respond to him."

Janice glared at her irritably and squirmed in her sticky panties.  "Mind your own business, Nyota."    

KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Aurelan Kirk and children     A drabble from What are Little Girls Made Of?
The visitor's bell sounded.

"Peter!  Get your brothers.  It's time to go."

Three flushed little boys came running.  "Aw, no, Mom!  This is the coolest ship!"

"Yes.  With better things to do than wait on us. Come on.  Say good-bye to Uncle Jim.  You won't be seeing for a very long time."

Jim crouched down.  One by one they pecked him grudgingly.  Kissing was for babies.

Aurelan walked over to where Jim stood.  She hugged him fiercely and gave him a heartfelt kiss on the cheek.  "Take care, Jim.  I know you'll make us proud.  You're our hero, you know."  

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Andrea   a drabble from What are Little Girls Made Of?

"Andrea!"  Roger summoned her imperiously to his side.

"Yes, Doctor Corby?" Andrea responded promptly.

"Andrea, what was it like kissing Captain Kirk?"

Andrea gave him a blank stare.  "You were there.  You observed the incident."

"Yes, yes, but I mean--as a female.  What was it like kissing a man?

"Say, if a strong, vibrant woman like Christine were to have her consciousness implanted into an immortal android body, what would she feel kissing a man--like me?"

Andrea cocked her head then rose up on her toes to kiss him experimentally on the lips.  Then she slapped him.  Hard.
For more on Andrea see:     

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Miri   A drabble guessed it...Miri
"Miri, what was it like kissing Mr. Lovey Dovey?"

"It was wonderful!  His lips are like cotton candy; they just dissolve in your mouth.  And when he puts your arms around you, it's like floating on a cloud.  And he smells like peaches and sunshine and he held me so tight like he didn't want to ever let me go."

Jon 's face fell.  "Oh, I see."  His face lifted again.

"Hey guys, let's go play!"

Tonja studied her curiously.  "You didn't really kiss him, did you?"

"Might have," retorted Miri, and fell back on her pallet with her foolie.
For more on Miri see:    

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Lenore Karidian   a drabble from Conscience of the King
Anton Karidian met his daughter at the door.  "Child, were you with Captain Kirk?"

"Yes, father.  He seems quite taken with me."

Karidian grabbed her shoulders.  "Child, he's not a man you should get close to.  Reveal yourself to."  He paused, "Have you--?"

"Surely, father, you don't want the details." She laughed.

He despaired, "Oh, my child, there's so much evil in the world.  Men treat others cruelly, use them so dispassionately and brush it off as mere pragmatism.  I just want to spare you from this horror."

Lenore smiled sweetly.  "Don't worry, father, I can take care of myself."
For more on Lenore Karidian see:    

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Helen Johansson     a drabble from The Menagerie--with thanks to Laura Goodwin for pointing her out
Helen Johansson stripped him naked and shackled him to her bed with his tight little bubble ass straining high in the air.  She had worked him over good, not just with her whips, but with a series of heavy-duty dildos too.  In the end he had had to use the safe word for fear he wouldn't make it through his shift the next day.

"Helen--described...?" Kirk blinked in dismay.

"She merely mentioned she knew you, Sir," the Starbase aide said silkily.

"Oh."  Kirk relaxed.  Suddenly, facing Menendez's inquisition into the diversion of the Enterprise didn't seem all that bad.
For more on Helen Johansson see:    

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Ruth    a drabble linking Conscience of the King and Shore Leave
After four horrific days, daylight invaded.  Jimmy squeezed his pubescent body deeper into the burrow.

"Over here!  We've got a live one!"

Strong arms pulled him out.  Soft ones nestled him into softer breasts, crushed him against the ruffle of her gown.  The stench of death surrounded them--Kodos' legacy to the Federation--but Jimmy inhaled only the thick perfume of womanhood and exotic flowers in bloom.  He could stay forever.

She smiled down.  "I'm Ruth; your rehabilitation counselor.  I'm here as long as you want."

I'm going to marry her, Jimmy thought as she kissed him on the forehead.
For more on Ruth see:    

KISISNG CAPTAIN KIRK: Ruth Android    a drabble from Shore Leave

"Ruth?  Ruth!"

:   Advance to within 0.29 meters of subject's front.

:   Incline head x minus forty-two degrees, y plus thirty-six degrees.

:   Align ocular centers with subject's ocular centers.

:   Extend lower extremity joints; balance on lower extremity phalanges.

:   Incline body y plus eight degrees.  Press mammary equivalents against subject's pectoral mass.

:   Drop upper tarsal plate until it contacts lower tarsal plate.

:   Extend right upper extremity.  Apply distal portion to subject's left bucal surface.  Allow random motion along same surface for four seconds.

:  Part labia fourteen millimeters; apply to subject's right external bucal surface.

:  Pause.

"Jim darling, it is me.  It is Ruth!"
For more on Ruth see:    


 KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Jamie Finney a drabble from Court Martial

"Is this her?"


"She's so little."

"They all are, Jim.  They come that way, but they grow."

"Can I hold her?"

"Of course.  Here."

"Wait!  Her head!"

"It's okay.  Relax. She won't break."

"I don't know how this works."

"Just hold still.  I'll put her in your arms.  It's much easier than running a starship."

"It doesn't look it.   Oh, Ben, she's so beautiful.  You really named her after me?"


"She doesn't look like me."

"I dunno.   See the wrinkly nose?  She does smell a lot better than you do, though."

"Yeah.  Can I kiss her?"



 KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Areel Shaw  a drabble from Court Martial
"What was it like, kissing Captain Kirk?"  Sam Cogley asked his opposing counsel, sotto voce, as they packed up from the courtroom.

Areel turned and smiled at him coyly.  She wiggled seductively, but he seemed oblivious to all but her words.

"That depends,"  Areel said.  "Which part of his body do you want to hear about kissing?"

Cogley blinked at her, momentarily taken aback and blushed.

"Cogley, are you coming?" Kirk snapped at him from near the door.

Sam jumped and turned to face his client.  He pulled his eyes up and away from Kirk's crotch with some reluctance.  "Soon."
For more on Areel Shaw see:    

 KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Spock I   a slash drabble based on Return of the Archons
"What was it like, kissing Captain Kirk?  And don't bother to deny it; everyone knows what you two did to blend in during Landru's Festival."

"A fascinating study.  His lips parted 12.6 millimeters.  His tongue pressed my teeth with 0.84--"

"Spock!" McCoy exploded.  "I don't want a how-to guide.  Think about what you felt.  How can you just--objectify love?"

"I am a Vulcan."

McCoy's face fell.  "Yeah.  Sometimes I wonder--"

"You asked about Jim.  With you it is entirely different; I simply feel our love."

McCoy scowled happily. "Goddammit, Spock, how do you always manage to win these things?"  


    Kissing Captain Kirk: Marla McGivers  a drabble from Space Seed
He entered her cell.  "Are you sure about this? It's not too late to change your mind."

She shook her head.  "I made my wrong turn already.  You can't change that."

He shrugged.  "Don't be so sure.  Someone once tried to tell me of a no-win scenario, but I didn't believe it."

He dangled a medallion of the Enterprise crest.  "Remember, Miss McGivers, you had what it took to become a Starfleet officer.  And that will never change.  Always remember who you are."

He kissed her forehead.  As she accepted the memento, a glimmer of a plan began to form.
For more on Marla McGivers see:

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Edith Keeler   a drabble from The City on the Edge of Forever
Henry plunged into the dishwater.  "So, you're seeing him again tonight?"

She continued to dry.  "Um-hm."

"I thought you'd given up on men."

"I had."

"So, what tricks does this one have that are so special?"

"Henry!  You're a dirty old man!"

Henry laughed, not unkindly.  "Just wondering what he has that I don't."

She paused. "When I'm with him, I see the wonders of the future.  His future. My future.  Our future.  He makes me believe--no, he makes me know --that it will be real one day."

Edith glanced at the clock.  The movie started in thirty minutes.
For more on Edith Keeler see:    

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Marlena Moreau   a drabble based on Mirror, Mirror
Kirk rolled off of her and grunted, "So, what was it like screwing the other Captain Kirk?"

Unsatisfied again, Marlena studied him discreetly for clues to the proper answer.  It was easy after years of long practice and scars from many, many mistakes.

He lay wallowing in self-satisfaction.  He wanted to be right.

At once Marlena relived the all-too-brief glimpse of the other's world.  A glimpse of life lived not in fear but in passion.  A life lived not to merely survive the moment, but to shape the future.

It was wonderful.

"Dull.  He's not a real man.  Not like you."
For more on Marlena Moreau see:    

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Sylvia    a drabble from Catspaw
Korob said, "I hid behind the grille.  I watched your insatiable quest for sensation."

"Sensation!" Sylvia laughed.  "A billion better sensations await me! I wished only to rape his thoughts.  To glean his secrets without damaging his mind.  I might have use for him later."

"And what did you discover through this kiss?" Korob asked bitterly.

"What it is to rule over others.  The essence of power.  And I saw his ideal woman.  The only one who can control him."

His interest piqued.  "So then, become her instead!"

Sylvia smiled.  "There's no need."  The forcefield-locked Enterprise dangled from her hand.
For more on Sylvia see:   


KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Janet Wallace   a drabble from The Deadly Years

Dr. Wallace stared at his wife as she read the Starfleet bulletin, oblivious to his presence.

He tried to reach her.  "Janet, what was it like--seeing Captain Kirk?"

Janet looked up and smiled the same lovely, placating smile she had favored him with for over five years.  "He's a boy.  Wild, impetuous.  A pirate and a dreamer.  It was a fun time in my life, but we never could've had a future.  Not like you and I. "  She stood up and kissed him affectionately on the forehead.

She moved to the window and stared out at the clouds.

For more on Janet Wallace see:    


   KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Shahna   a drabble from The Gamesters of Triskelion

"What was it like kissing Captain Kirk?" Galt asked.

Shahna bit her lip and lounged languidly in her bikini.   Her voice thickened as she spoke and Galt's reproductive organ stirred for the first time in four centuries.

"One hundred quatloos to hear this in private," offered Provider Number One.

"Three hundred quatloos for exclusive access to her recounting the story at my whim," countered Provider Number Three.

"One thousand quatloos for exclusive rights to have Shahna recount the story and to disseminate and modify it at my discretion," said Provider Number Two.

Thus was the first extra-terrestrial 900 number begun.
For more on Shahna see:    

 KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Nona    a drabble from A Private Little War
"What was it like kissing James Kirk?"  Tyree wondered bitterly to the empty cavern.  "Was it only for his power, or were you drawn to him as a woman?  Was it herbal magic, or did he come willingly?  Would you have chosen him over me, or were you just using him to profit our tribe?"

Tyree punched a wall.  A knuckle snapped.  The pain was not so bad as that in his heart.  He curled down into their bedding furs, which still bore her perfume, and sobbed.

Only a Kanutu woman could hurt a man so much from her grave.
For more on Nona see:    

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Kelinda  a drabble from By Any Other Name
"What was it like, apologizing with Captain Kirk?"

"I already showed you," answered Kelinda.

"No, I mean, did he do it better than me?"

"No, Rojan, you were much better."

"But did you like it more?" Rojan pressed.

"Oh, no   Not nearly as well."

"I think his body is nicer than mine."

"I didn't notice," she answered tactfully.  "His behavior was so alien, it was hard for me to see the physical.  But I do believe I find your body more appealing."

Rojan smiled, apparently satisfied at last. "Yes, curious creatures, these humans.  I doubt we will ever fit in."
For more on Kelinda see:   

   KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Drusilla    a drabble from Bread and Circuses
"What was it like with Captain Kirk?"  Sypatha asked Drusilla as they fixed their makeup.

"Interesting.  He wanted to try the Auluvian Butterfly."

"Ooh!  Isn't that dangerous?"

Drusilla shrugged.  "Not with a safety signal and if you affix the chains right.  Kirk showed me a variation involving rigging a swing."

"Where'd you get the rabbit?" Sypatha wondered.

"It wasn't a problem.  The Proconsul keeps dozens.  But I hope Kirk doesn't get sent to the arena soon.  He's rather fun."

"I think he'll keep him around for awhile," observed Sypatha.  "I saw the way the Proconsul was looking at his butt."
For more on Drusilla see:    


 KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Miramanee   a drabble from The Paradise Syndrome

You strip down in the tee-pee and support your breasts and feel them taut and tender, ripe with the sustenance that only an all-too-mortal child would need.

Salish had asked you visciously, how it was to kiss a god.  Then you defended Kirok with all your fervor.  But today as you counted, once again, the days that passed since your body bled, there could be no mistake and you wonder, what would it be like with a god?  How would it be?

But it no longer matters, for Kirok is yours and you are his and you want nothing more.
For more on Miramanee see:    

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Miranda Jones   a drabble from Is There in Truth No Beauty
Kolos glowed brighter as his question touched her mind.

Miranda replied, "Confusing.  His body and lips spoke of such tenderness, but his thoughts were entirely disparate.  His ship, his first officer, their plan.  The contrast was most distressing."

Kolos shimmered opalescent as his question changed again.

Miranda laughed lightly.  "Miss it?  Not at all.  Humans share only their bodies; you and I share our all."

Dressed only in her black undersuit, Miranda reached a blind hand towards the box.

Kolos washed over her mind and she sighed, giving a single voice to their paired reactions as the two became one.
For more on Doctor Miranda Jones see:    

KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Uhura   a drabble from Plato's Stepchildren
Teresa Ross mooned across the table.  "So, what's it like kissing Captain Kirk?"

Uhura rolled her eyes in disgust.

"Oh, come on! Most of the women and half the men aboard would give their right arm to be 'forced' to kiss the captain."  Teresa prompted dreamily, "Does he smell like peaches?  Are his lips as soft as they look?  Does he just take your breath away?"

Uhura stabbed her salad with more vehemence than she had intended.  "Let's just say it would have been a lot better if he hadn't acted like I was infected with the Tellurian death plague!  

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Deela    a drabble from Wink of an Eye
"So what was it like with your pretty captain?" Hodin asked her bitterly.

"It's just my duty.  You should know that by now.  And it's not always a very nice one."

Deela continued,  "Kissing him unawares was a lot more fun than harvesting his seed.  The messy business takes away so much of their--mystique.  They are so cute when they don't know what's happening.  Try it yourself and see." She gestured at the nearest human.

Halfway though the door, Scotty's cheek twitched.  He slapped at his face, but by then the buzzing noise had stopped and he continued on.

For more on Deela see:    


 Kissing Captain Kirk: Gem   a drabble from The Empath

She cupped his face in her hands and caressed him tenderly with her fingers.  He swooned into her embrace, and floated lost in the lightness of her touch.  His body seemed but a distant thing; his eyes tried to focus on her face, her sweet face, so fixed and intent upon easing all his pain.

Her hands slid down his arms and he let her take him where she would.  She was his present and his healing.

With a probe as gossamer light as a breeze across the surface of his mind, Gem's empathy kissed all of his hurts away.    


    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Elaan   a drabble from (duh!) Elaan of Troyus

Kirk reached up and wiped away her tears.  His hand tingled as the Dohlman's toxin worked its way into his skin.  His body flushed hot and his mind reeled as he was drawn down towards her.  His will dissolved as she kissed his mouth.

He had kissed countless women before, to impress, to love, to manipulate, or often just for fun.  But he had always held the upper hand.

This time was different.  This time Elaan wielded all the power.

When she pulled away, her eyes were sharp and dry.  "Captain, that ancient Earth custom called spanking, what is it?"

For more on Elaan see:   


    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Marta   a drabble from Whom Gods Destroy

"What was it like, kissing Captain Kirk?" Garth asked her as his minions prepared his throne.

"Oh, darling, it was wonderful!  He does the most marvelous things with his tongue.  He could bring a girl to orgasm with just a kiss."  She flushed bright green and looked up coyly.  "In fact, I think he did."

Garth regarded her, his expression unreadable.  "I see.  Well done, my dear."

He summoned the Andorian imperiously.  "Frathlyn, give me that necklace back.   Our Marta has earned it more."

As he sized the chain for Marta's neck, the crystal of explosive glistened in the center.
For more on Marta see:    


KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Odona  a drabble from The Mark of Gideon

Kirk grabbed her shoulders.  He demanded, "Odona, did you come to kill?  Did you come to die?"

"I don't know.  I don't care.  I only know I'm safe."

She kissed him and something began to happen.  The ache swelled up in her arms, in her thighs, a deep, needy pain she had never known before.  Her face flushed; her breathing grew short.  Her body temperature rose and she grew weak.  She all sense of who she was--of who he was dimmed away.  She only knew the master plan had worked.

The Vegan Choriomeningitis was spreading rapidly through her body.
For more on Odona see:    


    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Rayna Kapec  a drabble from Requiem for Methuselah

"What was it like, kissing Captain Kirk?" Flint stared into Rayna's hand-made eyes.

"Like waking up from a long sleep when the room is very cold, but the blankets are warm and soft and all you want to do is curl back up in them and stay forever.  Is it always like that, Flint?"

Her creator brushed her cheek and shook his head so sadly.  "No.  Maybe once in six thousand years, if one is very, very lucky."

Flint watched her depart then pocketed the stasis controller.   The Enterprise couldn't be allowed to leave;  Kirk couldn't be allowed to stay.
For more on Rayna Kapec see:   

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Vanna   a drabble from The Cloudminders

Vanna watched as they dissolved into space.

Droxine gauged her warily.  "Vanna, what were you doing in the bedchamber with Captain Kirk?"

Vanna spat out,  "Nothing I haven't done a thousand times before as your father's houseslave.  At least this time, I chose."

"So, he cares for you now?  That's why he's backing the Troglytes?"

Vanna scoffed.  "He freed my people because, as a right and moral man, he knew it must be done.  It's about much more than me."

Droxine's smiled coldly.  "Really?  Good."  She motioned once.  Her guards moved in behind the rebel leader, weapons raised to kill.

For more on Vanna see:    


   KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Janice Lester   a drabble from Turnabout Intruder

Janice Lester thrust her tongue ever faster.   She grabbed his ass and squeezed it hard, pressing the hardness of her pelvic bone into the hollow above his thigh.  She groaned at the jiggle of soft breasts between them; it was easy enough to pretend that those breasts were his.  She rammed her tongue repeatedly into the womb of his mouth and ground her hips until it seemed an open question as to who would penetrate whom.

Kirk broke away and held her shoulders.  "Janice, Janice!  Hold on," he chuckled in a placating tone.  "Who wears the pants around here anyway?"

For more on Janice Lester see:    


 KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: James Kirk  a drabble from Turnabout Intruder

"I'm glad you're feeling better, Doctor Lester," Nurse Tan said to her patient.

From his place inside the woman's body, Kirk forced Janice Lester's face into a tight smile.

Nurse Tan glanced around sickbay, then bent down and whispered conspiratorially, "Can I ask you something?   They say you and the captain used to be an item."

Kirk nodded Lester's head.

"So, what was it like, being with Captain Kirk?  Kissing him, or even--"  Tan blushed.

Now, for the first time since the transference, Janice's face broke into real, unbridled delight.  "Just between you and me, Nurse, he was absolutely fan-fucking-tastic!"    


"What was it like, kissing Captain Kirk?" Jim teased, the cocky lilt altering his voice.

"Is that the foremost question on your mind?" Spock asked gravely.

"Well," Jim said confidently, "I have been told that it's rather memorable."

"I am, as of yet, unsure of my assessment," said Spock, pulling back a step from their embrace.

Jim's bedroom smile dissolved into a look of apprehension.  He shifted uncomfortably in his boots.

Spock continued smoothly, "I will require more data in order to reach a decision."

Jim's smile broadened.  "It would be my pleasure," and pulled him back into a kiss.   

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Lori Ciani   a drabble from Star Trek: The Motion Picture, the novel

"What was it like, doing it with Admiral Kirk?" Trina asked as they lay in bed smoking.

"I dunno," said Lori.  "We never did."

"Never?  Why not?"

Lori shot an irritated look.

Trina said, "Just because he's gay doesn't mean the parts don't work. I would've tried him least once.  He is James Kirk."

Lori puffed her cigarette.  "Not me.  That's why we got along so well."

"If it was such a perfect arrangement, why did you divorce?"

Lori shrugged.  "A stargram came from the Vulcan embassy.  Jim said something about a candle in the window, and filed the next day."    


    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Carol Marcus   a drabble based on Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn
Dianne shrieked across their dorm room.  "You broke up with Captain Kirk?"

"Keep your voice down," Carol cautioned.  She synthesized a gingerale.  "And yes, I did."

"I don't see how you could.  Isn't he one of People Magazine's most eligible bachelors?"

"Um-hm.  And it looks like it's going to stay that way into the next century," said Carol.

"I wouldn't care about marriage," said Dianne with a dreamy look.  "He's hot!  What's it like making out with him anyway?"

Carol took a cracker.  The morning sickness had almost passed.  She observed ruefully, "A helluva lot more than I'd expected."


 KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: David Marcus  a drabble based on Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn

An hour later found David Marcus back at his father's cabin door.  There was so much he wanted to ask.  He rang; there was no answer.  He scanned his palmprint, sure that the door wouldn't open, but it did.

David crossed the darkened room to where his father slumped in the chair, sweaty, disheveled, snoring, a still-full shot glass by his hand.  David pulled a blanket from the bunk and tucked it carefully around his father's neck and shoulders.  For several long seconds he watched him snore.  He kissed him lightly on the forehead, turned out the lights and left.    

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Lt. Saavik  a drabble from Star Trek III the Search for Spock
They were underway to Vulcan in the borrowed Bird of Prey.  He finally stood down from the bridge.  Reality was just beginning to sink in.  McCoy was still insane.  Spock was mindblank. And David was--

"Admiral Kirk, may I speak with you?"

"Saavik, it's really not a good time.  Can it wait?"

"It is important, Admiral."

"It really isn't a good time."

"I bear your grandchild."

He pulled her violently into a bear hug and kissed her fiercely on the cheek.

As something warm moistened her neck, Saavik began to recalculate the odds against ever learning to predict human emotions.    

KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Doctor Chapel a drabble based on Djinn's post TOS K/Ch vision
"Doctor Chapel, a moment of your time."

"Yes, Captain Spock?"

"What was it like making love with Admiral Kirk?"

"I would think you should know that better than I, Sir."

"Perhaps once, but I have no memory of it since my death.  I was hoping you could assist me with the recovery of said memories."

"I'm not sure it works that way, Sir.  Anyway, my mother says nice humans don't kiss and tell."

"Perhaps not."

There was a significant pause.

"Then--is he happy?"

"No, Sir."

"Is he content?"

"No, Sir."

"I do wish I could remember more."

"Yes, Sir."    

KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Gillian Taylor  a drabble from Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
"Did I see you kissing Admiral Kirk?" her Orientation Aide asked.


"But I thought..."

"It's now 'Captain' Kirk," Gillian emphasized with a playful grin.

The aide chuckled.  "Either way, I wonder if you could clear up something?"


"He's got quite the reputation as a ladies' man, but the rumor is he's already taken by one of his crew."

"Really?"  Gillian appeared surprised.  "I didn't notice him paying particular attention to her."

The aide did a double take at the pronoun, then he remembered.  "Doctor Taylor, there are a few things you've got to learn about the twenty-third century."   

    Special DVD bonus track for Stephen's Title Challenge:

Done Kirk?
Gillian Taylor virtually skipped to the transporter room.  She was raw between the legs, but in the good kind of way that made you just itch for a little hair of the dog that bit.  It had been a long time since she'd been with a guy with no fins or flippers.  Now 'blowholes', that was another story....

She giggled at her dirty mind as she passed her orders to the attendant--the Ocenaographic Instite in what used to be part of France.

He entered the coordinates.  "Dunkirk?"

Her eyes widened and she blushed.  "Why, yes! But how'd you know?"   

   Kissing Captain Kirk: Valeris   a drabble based on  Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
The little group met clandestinely one last time.  Charts, diagrams and pictures were strewn haphazardly around the table.

Cartwright said, "Someone is going to have to be sacrificed.  Captain Chan of the Apex would be my choice."

Valeris ran her hand over the table, fingering each of the glossies as if reading some secret message in Braille.  She stopped over one brilliant smile.  "No.  This one.  I can manipulate Spock, and Spock can manipulate him.  He will be our pawn."

Parting her fingers into the Vulcan intimacy, she caressed the face in the picture, then abandoned Kirk to his fate.    

        KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Martia    a drabble from Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
"...and you're the likeliest candidate to come into this hellhole in months."

"Candidate for what?"  Kirk wondered.

She kissed him methodically, working the special muscles of her tongue over the inner surface of his cheeks.  She scraped off the layers of mucous and dead epithelium and worked down to the basal layer of cells with replicating DNA.  With the specialized organ on her tongue, she extracted the information she would need to imitate his form.

With the sweet taste of alien beauty, Kirk forgot all his caution.  The rock fell from his hand.

She let him go.  Until morning, that is.    


    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Butler  a drabble based on Generations
Admiral Kirk came in from what he hoped would stay the worst day of his life.  The Khenfari deployment had been an unmitigated disaster.  Millions had died; Starfleet was humiliated and he had only himself to blame.  McCoy had left him for parts unknown and Spock--  Well, who knew?

He'd only meant to have one drink, but he'd needed to relax.  Now rumpled and stained, his hand shook and his vision was almost too blurry to unlock the door.  The apartment was dark. He stumbled and fell.  Fuck.

With an excited bark, Butler jumped up eagerly to lick his face.    

 KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Demora Sulu  a drabble based on Generations

She never knew him and the receiving line goes on for hours.  She's only here because of her father.  No, that's not true.  She's here because he was a legend.  No, that's not it either.  She's here because he gave his life for hers.   No.

She came to honor the spirit they have both sworn to die for.  Some immanent concept of man's place in the universe.   No matter who falls and who carries the flag, as long as Starfleet endures, so will each and every soldier.

She leans into the casket and kisses the holographic image of Captain Kirk.    

KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Antonia  based on Generations
She sat up in bed as soon as she smelled the coffee.

"Good morning, beautiful."  Jim set the tray down on the stand.

"Ktarian eggs!  My favorite!"

"I know." He poked his finger into his eggs and sucked it with exaggerated delight.

She leaned over and he kissed her.  His kiss was warm and sweet with the delicate flavor of the eggs.  It began playfully, but grew in tender passion with an earnestness that was his alone.  Her heart thrilled.  She wondered how she had ever gotten so lucky.

He pulled away.  "Antonia, there's something I have to tell you."   

    KISSING CAPTAIN KIRK: Montgomery Scott--a drabble from The Next Generation episode: Relics
Scotty staggered down the steps to the center.  "Computer, show me the captain of this proud vessel."

"The Enterprise has had seven commissioned captains beginning with--"

"Computer, there's only been one real captain of the NCC-1701 and that's James Kirk.  Now can ye produce him or not?"


Captain Kirk popped up in the old command chair looking as young and bold and beautiful as ever.  He twisted his body around and smiled wide in greeting.  "Scotty."

Montgomery Scott dropped his glass.  He lurched forward with wet eyes, threw his arms around his neck and kissed him utterly unashamed.    

Want more?   Check out:

Jungle Kitty's Who Wants to Know?  and The Last Word Kirk/Brandt additons.

Farfalla's parody series, Spooging on Captain Kirk

Pinetree's Variation on a Lyrastar Theme--Kissing up to Captain Kirk: Chekov
and  Variation on a Lyrastar Theme--Kissing up to Captain Kirk: Spock