SPOCK'S BRAIN: REDUX
TNG Variations on Spock's Brain
popped on to the Enterprise-D. The bridge crew turned to look, then
time stood still. When it started again, Will Riker was missing from
"Captain!" Crusher's voice sounded even shriller than usual. "You'd
better come down here; something's happened to Will!"
When he arrived, Beverly gestured to the biobed where Will lay
unconscious. "It's the neatest job I've ever seen; someone's removed
his brain with surgical precision. Everything else is intact."
Jean-Luc frowned. "His brain? How can that be? There's not a hair out
Beverly whipped the sheet down from Will's waist.
When Picard arrived in sickbay, Deanna was perched on a diagnostic bed
staring into a hand mirror. Piles of curly, dark hair were
scattered around her. She ran one hand over the pink scar
circling her partially-shaven head, and sniffed back tears.
"Beverly, what is it?" said Picard.
Beverly frowned and ran the scanner again. "All my readings
point to one thing; someone's removed her entire brain!"
"My brain?" Deanna gasped. "But I feel fine."
"Doctor, how is this--incident affecting her?"
Crusher crossed her arms with a sigh. "As far as I can tell,
it hasn't changed a thing."
choose carefully. We have less than two hours to recover
brain; the next planet we investigate must be the right one," said
There was a soft ping and the crew turned to see the same statuesque
woman in skimpy clothing re-materialize behind tactical. Something gray
and lumpy sloshed in the Ziplock bag she held. With a look of
undisguised disdain, she handed it to Worf.
"We are returning this to you. We cannot use it, lest it lead
into extinction. While this brain controlled our society, no
Eymorg would even consider mating with any Morg."
landing party materialized on Sigma Draconis VI and began their scans.
"Fan out, people," Riker ordered. "We only have four hours to
locate Worf's brain."
Crusher wiggled something on her remote control device and Worf's body
began to march, stiff-legged, along side of her.
"This planet is too big, Commander," said Geordi. "There's no
way we can cover it all in time."
"I believe I have located the brain," said Data. He aimed the
tricorder into the distance where several scantily clad women came
running from between some rocks. "Aktuh and Melota, Act II,
iv playing dead ahead."
Beverly froze as Will put The Teacher into her hands. "Will,
I don't know if I can do this."
"Beverly, you have to; the captain's life depends on it."
"When Leonard McCoy did it, he couldn't finish. Spock had to
help him through the last parts."
Data spoke up. "According to Dr. McCoy's recorded accounts, the most
difficult part of the entire procedure was completing it without
disturbing any of Commander Spock's hair."
They all stared at Picard's head. It glowed bright and shiny in the
artificial alien light.
"Piece of cake," said Beverly as she put The Teacher on.
When Sisko arrived in the infirmary, Julian was unconscious; Jadzia ran
diagnostics on him.
"Benjamin, his brain is missing. The entire thing is
just--gone! His genetic enhancements are keeping him alive,
there's no intelligent thought whatsoever."
"Can you wake him?" asked Sisko.
"Yes." Jadzia injected the hypo. "But I can't say
what he'll be like. A doctor with no brain--"
Julian bolted upright. He puffed out his chest, tossed his
snatched Sisko's hand and clung to it. In a decent falsetto
said, "Oh, Jean-Luc, I'm so worried about Wesley--I can't possibly
think about medicine today."